


Speed Hating

by thejewelstateofmind



Series: Speed Hating [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry Sex, Draco is a bitch, Harry is a dickhead, M/M, Rough Sex, Speed Dating, Throwing Shade, feisty boys, sarcastic bitches, the shade is real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6442363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thejewelstateofmind/pseuds/thejewelstateofmind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Hermione’s meddling, Harry tries out speed dating. A shitstorm ensues when he realises who he's sitting in front of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speed Hating

“You can’t just keep playing around,” Hermione had said to Harry.  
  
“There’s someone for you out there, if you just got to know them, you’d see,” Hermione had also said to Harry.  
  
“From here on out, no more nightclub shenanigans. I’ve put your name down for a speed dating event in London tonight. Your session’s at 6pm. Strictly for Wizards and completely confidential. And _no glamours,_ ” was another thing Hermione had said to Harry.  
  
  
And now Harry was late. He was freaking late to the speed dating event session whatever shit Hermione had put his name down to attend, which she had informed him of, oh _—_ _only 5 minutes ago_.  
  
He'd Disapparated to an Apparition point just on the outskirts of central London, but from here he was confused as to where to go. He didn’t see a dank, dark green door with initials C.D. hanging from—  
  
_Oh wait_ _—there_ _it is._  
  
_C.D.’s right,_ Harry thought, spotting it amidst the normal buildings. _This place is see-dy as fuck._  
  
He shouldn’t have been surprised as he entered through the shady door and found himself in a rather bright and clean function room.   
  
A minute to go before the session started, it seemed. Well now, if he didn’t get in not only would Hermione not hesitate to reschedule but he would blow any chance at a potential date he might pick up from this affair. Not that he was hoping to _date_ anyone. To be honest, he was just looking to pull.  
  
You know what they say: if you can’t pull at the club, pull at a speed dating event (okay, no one’s ever said that).  
  
“Oh, welcome, Mr Potter!” The receptionist greeted. “The session is just through that door, hurry before they close it, the session is starting!”  
  
“Thanks,” Harry said with a nod and slipped into the door before it could close on him.  
  
With a quick glance around he saw that everyone was already seated in pairs across a small table each and talking enthusiastically. The man in the middle of the room looked sharply at Harry and gestured to the only table occupied by one person.  
  
With a nod, Harry quickly shuffled towards the lonesome participant and slipped into the seat across from him.  
  
“Sorry I’m _—_ ” Harry stopped short as he focused on who was in front of him. “Late.”  
  
“Hmph. Punctual Potter,” Draco Malfoy drawled. “Well, actually, no, not punctual at all, are you?”  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. “Wow, Malfoy, you’ve matured so much in so little time! Good for you for graduating from pre-school!” Harry said with a hideously fake smile he knew would put the blonde off.  
  
Draco’s lip curled at that. He huffed and turned his nose up at him.  
  
“You got roped into this too, then?” Harry asked with a snigger. He was even amused that no one wanted to get paired with _Malfoy_ from the get-go. Not surprising though. “Do you really expect that _you’ll_ get a date from this?”  
  
Draco glared at Harry, then gave a sly smirk. “Well I don’t expect _you_ to get a _date_ either, seeing as the whole Wizarding World knows that Harry Potter is a raving, homosexual deviant who only wants to put his wand to work in only one way. Go on, go have an orgy with everyone in this room, Potter, leave me out of it.”  
  
“Well, I guess we don’t need these 5 minutes to speed date because I already know you,” Harry snapped.  
  
“You don’t know shit about me,” Draco said through gritted teeth.  
  
Harry scoffed. “I beg to differ. Draco Malfoy, 23, former Death Eater, class A wanker, and a pointy, spoiled rotten git. And what was that Hermione mentioned back in 3rd year? Oh yeah _—_ a foul loathsome evil little cockroach. Except not capable of evil as you proved that night on the Astronomy tower. Don’t feel too bad about your shortcomings though, you tried.”  
  
Every word Harry shot at him made the anger inside Draco grow and consume him, so much so he slammed his hand on the table in front of them and practically snarled back.  
  
“Harry Potter, 23, Boy Who Lived Twice, Wizarding World’s Golden Boy _—_ yes, _oh_ , the Golden Boy, the Chosen One who can shag anyone he wants but he's too scawed dat nobody wiw wuv him for him,” Draco mocked in a highly annoying and babying voice.  
  
It was Harry who lost his cool and pounced over the table, knocking the breath out of Draco as he tipped back in the chair under the weight of Harry and broke it.  
  
It was as if two wild animals were let loose in the place. They resorted to hair-pulling (Harry to Draco), biting (Draco to Harry), and mutual jabs back and forth along with unapologetic kicks while growling profanities at each other. At least they weren't getting hits to each other’s faces.  
  
“Oh my god!” they heard multiple surprised gasps around them.  
  
“Fuck, that’s hot!” someone wolf-whistled.  
  
“Oh wow, a free show,” another person cheered only to realise, “oh wait, they’re just fighting. Boooooo.”  
  
Draco’s body was ripped off from Harry who had been pinned to the ground. The blonde was stronger than he looked and had caught Harry off guard with a sharp kick to his groin. Not a fun time.  
  
Security was holding Draco by his sweater, ignoring the 'this is cashmere, you big oaf! Let go of me this instant!' that Draco snarled at him.  
  
“You boys are out of here.”  
  
  
***  
  
  
“Thanks a lot, Malfoy. Hermione's going to be furious,” Harry grit out when they had been thrown out.  
  
“Good, I hope she does. Get the _Mudblood_ to keep you in line,” Draco spat petulantly.  
  
Harry didn’t even realise when he had shoved Draco up against the wall but his forearm was pressing roughly against the blonde's neck and his wand dangerously close to poking an eye out.  
  
Both men were seething.  
  
“Do you wanna go, Malfoy?” Harry very nearly growled, getting all up in Draco’s grill.  
  
“No, Potter,” Draco leaned even closer, “I want to _come._ ”  
  
  
***  
  
  
“Ever heard of manners?”  
  
“Ever heard of shutting the fuck up?”  
  
“I’ll shut you up with my cock.”  
  
“Such a barbarian, Potter, you _—_ _mmph_!”  
  
“ _Fuck,_ _ _y_ es, _knew there was a better use for your mouth.”  
  
Harry fucked Draco’s mouth, groaning at the heat and the wetness and how wrong this was.  
  
Draco didn’t shy away at all, deep throating Harry with all he had. It was angry and rough and so fucking _hot._  
  
Spelling himself wet and ready, Draco shoved Harry on his back and sank down on his cock in a reverse cowgirl. Harry found the sight incredible but was unsatisfied with their position.  
  
He shoved Draco up and forward doggy style, and pulled out completely before shoving back in.  
  
“ _Fuck,_ Potter!” Draco screamed into the sheets, hips rocking back in time with Harry’s thrusts  
  
“Shit, fuck, I’ve wanted to come on just your footprints on the map for ages. Never imagined you’d be taking me up the ass like this. Wanna come inside you so bad,” Harry moaned and gripped Draco’s hips as he thrusted deep and hard into him.  
  
“The fuck _—_ are you on about _—_ my footprints _—_ you’re a bloody freak, Potter,” Draco keened, “What fucking map?”  
  
“You do an awful lot of talking for someone getting pounded in the ass,” Harry panted, shutting his eyes tight to concentrate on the deliciously intense sensation of Draco squeezing him.  
  
“Maybe you just suck at pounding my ass,” Draco taunted breathlessly. “I’ve had many partners who’ve reduced me to tears. Sorry Potter, this just seems to be another thing you’re not good at.”  
  
“Oh like how I wasn’t good at beating you in Quidditch, or being a better person than you, or winning the war _—_ ”  
  
“ _Fuck you_ , fuck you! Fuck me harder, damn it!” Draco snarled, reaching back to grip Harry’s ass and fuck himself back on Harry’s cock roughly.  
  
“Like it rough, do you?”  
  
“Shut up! You shut the fuck up, _ohhh, mmm_!” Draco rasped and a near-sob escaped him as Harry thrust up against something inside him.  
  
Well, that _something_ he knew how to pound.  
  
And so began Harry’s relentless hitting of Draco’s sweet spot.  
  
“ _Fu-u-u-uck_!” Draco cried, hands bawled in the sheets, knuckles white, his whole body thrumming with pleasure.  
  
“Reduced to tears now, are you?” Harry gave a breathy laugh followed a low whine as with every thrust, Draco's insides were squeezing him impossibly tight, clamping down on his cock as they both neared climax.  
  
They both knew that whoever came first would lose between them.  
  
Harry was bloody impressed with Draco’s control. He was thrusting in with the same angle inside Draco whose hands were gripping the base of his cock in a refusal to come before Harry.  
  
“ _Come._ Come for me, _Draco,_ ” Harry whispered, licking the back of Draco’s ear and sucking the back of his neck. Then he cruelly slipped out of Draco for a short moment, a cry of ‘no!’ replaced by a scream as soon as Harry rammed back in.  
  
It was his miscalculation. As soon as he was fully sheathed back in Draco, the pleasure overtook his whole body and he came hard just as Draco’s trembling body experienced the same inundation of sensation that threw him over the edge.  
  
Feeling completely boneless, Harry pulled out after several final thrusts and flopped beside the Malfoy. He assumed they were both trying to catch their breath but while Harry himself was on his back and getting the full inhalation of air, Draco’s face was bunched up in the sheets.  
  
“Um, Malfoy?” Harry asked worriedly.  
  
When the blonde didn’t respond, Harry shot up and gently pushed Draco to lie on his back. Harry saw that his face was tear-stained, red, and blotchy.  
  
“Oh fuck! Malfoy, I’m so sorry, Malfoy, _shit,_ wake up!’ Harry lightly slapped at Draco’s cheeks, then grabbed his wand shot a few minor healing spells his way along with a _Rennervate_.  
  
“Malfoy!” Harry hissed, proper worried that he’d killed the man when he barely stirred. This would be a disaster if it were to get out into the press. _Death by sex. Former Death Eater meets his doom by Harry Potter's cock._  
  
This was not the time to fuck around (they’d already done that).  
  
“Fucking _breathe,_ Malfoy _—_ _Draco,_ please!”  
  
Draco slowly blinked, his eyes, though red and glazed as they were, at least assured Harry that the git was clearly alive.  
  
“Shit, Malfoy, did I hurt you?” Harry asked in true concern.  
  
“What...what happened?”  
  
“You passed out,” Harry stated.  
  
“You...” Draco croaked, “Damn, Potter, that was _fucking amazing._ ”  
  
“Um, what?”  
  
Draco moaned in pain as he attempted to stretch but gave up and softly gasped in more air instead. “No one’s ever made me pass out from sex before. Guess I was wrong, Potter. Your skills in bed are definitely formidable.”  
  
Harry stared incredulously at the Malfoy.  
  
“I thought I’d killed you,” Harry said seriously.  
  
“Like I’d die from having sex, _please_. Wouldn’t that be a disastrous headline: _The Golden Boy impales Ex-Death Eater to death with his cock._ ” Draco said with a snort.  
  
“That’s almost as shit as my headline,” Harry laughed.  
  
“What?” Draco said, giving him a weird, small smile.  
  
“Oh…um, nothing.”  
  
“Right then.” Draco closed his eyes and seemed to be falling asleep.  
  
“Aren’t you gonna clean up first?” Harry suggested, wand at the ready to vanish the mess, not knowing why he didn't already do it. Something about having his ex-rival's spunk on him was kinda hot.  
  
“Nah, I like having sex juices on me,” Draco replied and Harry almost choked on his saliva. “Well, I’m only half joking. Truthfully, when is there ever going to be another time I’ll have The Chosen One’s sex juices on me.”  
  
“I know you just said it twice but please don’t say ‘sex juices’ ever again,” Harry chuckled before momentarily panicking for a reason he couldn’t fully comprehend. “Oh, are we...never doing this again?”  
  
This time it was Draco who gave Harry an incredulous stare.  
  
“I _—_ we _—_ no. No,” Draco shook his head softly. “I’m gonna be honest with you here this one time, Potter. As a…as an appreciation gift for you fucking me into oblivion so well. _This_ has been my last pull. It didn’t matter who I ended up with tonight. That speed dating nonsense was just so I could get some one last time before I'm married in two days. Arranged marriage, you know, to continue my family line by producing an heir, keeping up my reputation, you understand. It’s only business really but I’d hate to tarnish my future wife and son’s image if I were to be fucking men whilst married. Even if I could use glamours...  
  
“Anyway, I...apologise for having called Granger a Mudblood before. I didn’t mean that. I was annoyed and knew saying it would rile you up the most. So, yeah, thank you ever so much, Potter, truly. You were more than I bargained for. One last brilliant fuck, definitely went out with a bang, hey?”  
  
Harry’s stomach dropped at hearing those words, despite Draco having a weird, serene smile on his face.  
  
“Oh," was all Harry could get out.  
  
“Mmm,” Draco breathed and proceeded to fall asleep.  
  
  
***  
  
  
It was two days later, when Harry saw the news headlines of Draco Malfoy’s marriage to Astoria Greengrass, that he felt like he missed out on something that could have been intense, passionate, and a challenge—something incredible between them. Then again it could have been a huge disaster too.  
  
Either way, Harry would never even know because nothing ever started in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> Draco was lying to Harry about that arranged marriage tripe and made up a whole fake marriage affair to sell to the media just to make Harry feel stupid, then he showed up at his apartment, confessed his undying love and attraction and they lived happily ever after.
> 
> That’s a lie, sorry xD I wrote this intending it to be funny and hot but then it steered this way and now I know what writers mean when they say the work had a life of it's own.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
